Business & Life Skills
4 Tips on Compassionately Connecting with Your Boss
CJ Liu interviews Dr. Arthur P Ciarmamicoli about his newest book “The Triumph of Diversity.” Over the last 30 years, Dr. Ciarmamicoli has facilitated a leadership and communication group and learned about diversity.
In this interview, Dr. Ciarmamicoli role plays with CJ. They model how you you might handle a situation where you feel prejudice at work with a boss. Even though there is diversity training in the workplace, there is often poor retention by white employees and men.
In this example, CJ pretends to be an older white man who is the manager of a younger women who is Hispanic. The executive committee of a nonprofit has hosted a fundraising event, which was overbooked and has limited seating. As a way to handle the overflow, all the younger staff people are asked to eat in the kitchen. Many of the younger staff are people of color and are offended by this gesture. It’s especially upsetting since it comes right after a diversity, equity and inclusion training taken days beforehand. Dr. Ciarmamicoli provides his advice on how he would handle this situation if he was a young Hispanic woman talking to her white boss.
4 Tips on Compassionately Connecting with Your Boss
1) Try to present challenging issues in a neutral way. If the person listening feels like you are attacking them, you will trigger their brain chemistry, which will result in a stress response. For example, you could say, “I’m not blaming you. I understand that (repeat what has been said)”
2) If you have issues with a situation, make sure to offer constructive feedback on what you’d like to happen to address this situation if it should happen again. For example, you could say, “I can understand your situation. Would you consider in the future to not offend or hurt or slight people by xyz in the future? I’m asking to try to be sensitive to others. It’s gonna be better for all parties if we do (state what you want).”
3) Graciously thank the other person for hearing your side. For example, :I’m grateful for your openness and willingness to reconsider how we do (state problem).”
4) While retaliation may feel good, you will have more influence and ability to change things with an attitude of forgiveness and patience.
4 Tips on Compassionately Connecting with Your Boss: YouTube Video
More on Dr. Arthur P Ciarmamicoli
Arthur P. Ciaramicoli, EdD, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist formerly on the faculty of Harvard Medical School; the chief medical officer of soundmindz.org, a popular mental health platform; and the author of several books, including The Power of Empathy and, most recently, The Stress Solution: Using Empathy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to Reduce Anxiety and Develop Resilience.
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