Parenting

Deciding Not to Have Children

By cjliu | February 3, 2020

CJ Liu interviews Lisette Schuitemaker’s on her newest book, Childless Living: The Joys and Challenges of Life without Children. Annual fertility declines have been dramatic over the past decade. In researching for the book, Lisette interviewed talked to over 70 people aged 20-91 in 10 countries and conducted a survey of 500 people to understand the primary reasons some opt for childless living. She discovered many reasons why women and men have decided not to have children.

Lisette decided early on not to have children. Lisette’s decision came with judgements with others accusing her of being uncaring, unloving, and selfish. Despite this criticism, she viewed her decision as a gift to the world. She felt pulled to express her creativity urges in a different way than creating children. She admits it can be lonely. However, she has several nieces and nephews who she serves as a parenting role.

Luckily, her husband was in alignment. She describes that challenges come when both partners are not in agreement in this area. In this situation, there is a hard choice on which is more important … the relationship or having a child.

The decision to have or not have children is a very hard one. For some women in the past, they struggled until nature would ultimately decide for them reaching an age where it was a challenge to have children. While this was true for women in the past, now women can freeze their eggs so the door never closes, which causes anxiety for some women who choose to have children in their late 40-50’s.

During the end of the interview, Lisette and CJ talk about the cost of having children. Middle income, married-couple parents of a child born in 2015 may expect to spend $284,570 for food, shelter, and other necessities to raise a child through age 17. This does not include the cost of college that can be upwards of $300,000 with tuition, room, and board. Some couples would rather use this money to opt for different career choices. For example, having the ability to travel, or become a teacher.