A year ago today I slipped and fell on a creek crossing, and lay dying on the rocks. I’d taken my last breath, was bleeding out internally, my vision grew dim, and the whole world was fading away. But I looked over at Jessica, freaked out by my side, and thought, I can’t die, NOT TODAY. I can’t die. I won’t die, I am NOT going to die. And so I fought to find my breath, or force myself to breathe. For the next hour, though I’d lose over half of my blood and be in the most grizzly pain of my life, unable to move, bones stabbing into me, and stuck half in a freezing cold creek, I fought to keep myself breathing. I focused on the sunlight above, and the love all around. And I said to myself, breathe in light,breathe out love.

On that day, I would have done ANYTHING to be where I am today. To be able to wake up next to my wife, to be pain free in a bed, to be able to breathe and know another yet another would follow.

Life really is all about perspective. When you think you’re going to die, even, or especially, the little things, seem like the most precious gifts in the world. Because they are. It’s just often hard to remember that. But having a bed to sleep in, or being able to sleep in a bed, and having family, pets or a loved one, and being able to put two, or even one foot on the ground in the morning, what precious gifts these are.

In a sense, though they really matter, all the rest are just details.

One year ago today. I can’t hardly believe it, and it leaves me scratching my head in disbelief. I’m walking, riding, swimming, and jogging again. My bone has healed, and though I’m still working on the soft tissue, I am strong…and amazingly, an inch taller to boot! I’m back coaching, and especially doing healing work with people now as a way to give back, and it feels great. I’ve written two more books (we’re still working on getting them out), nearly finished our next video series, and am miraculously still in our beautiful home, something that felt touch and go with the mountain of medical bills and me laid up on the couch.

But you know, it’s not about the doings, or the havings anymore, though I certainly like “accomplishing” and having nice things in my life and certainly invite them in. But it’s about the little things, or the not-so-little things. The loved ones who are still around. The time I have to sit and meditate in silence in the morning. The ability to move pain free. And the hope I have for the future. When you’re broken, when you’re really down and out, it’s so hard to have hope. And yet, that’s when we need it most.

But then, that’s when it’s most important, to just focus on the breathe. There is ALWAYS a brighter tomorrow.

I always believed, everything in life happens for a reason.

Ultimately, it’s the love of Jessica, coupled with this hope and faith for the future, that carried me through.

And so, I give thanks on this weird, wonderful, and beautiful day, for all that happened, all that’s still occurring, and all that will transpire. It truly is a miracle to be here today, and to see what tomorrow will bring. But for today, I’ll live in the now…which is really, quite, miraculously perfect. I’m not sure I would have believed it a year ago, as I lay bleeding out or in on the rocks. But I am still here.

I leave with these words, which I managed to “sing” to myself through forced breaths, trying to keep myself smiling and alive, just before the EMT’s arrived…thank you Jimmy Cliff:

I can see clearly now the rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way.
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind.
It’s gonna be a bright, bright, bright sunshinin’ day.
It’s gonna be a bright, bright sunshinin’ day.

Oh yes, I can make it now the pain is gone.
All of the bad feelings have disappeared.
Here is the rainbow I’ve been praying for.
It’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunshinin’ day.

Look all around, there’s nothing but blue skies.
Look straight ahead, there’s nothing but blue skies.

I can see clearly now the rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way.
Here’s the rainbow I’ve been praying for.
It’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunshinin’ day.
It’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunshinin’ day.
Real, real, real, real bright, bright, sunshinin’ day.
Yeah, hey, it’s gonna be a bright, bright, sunshinin’ day.