Your big job is to open your eyes to who you truly are – warts and all – and to make peace with that clunky, wonderful person inside of you. CJ interviews Debra Silverman so you can get acquainted with the Four Elements as they exist inside you. Learn how to cultivate the Observer’s position so that you can stand back and make change by altering the way you see and live your own story.
Video Summary: The Missing Element (Debra Silverman)
Click on time stamps to jump to the questions you want answered
0:44 What is the missing element?
1:09 What is the observer?
4:20 What does the observer voice sound like?
5:12 How do you know if the observer is in the house?
7:33 What are some attributes of someone is a fire element?
8:48 Debra describes a “water” type.
10:33 Debra describes the element of “air”
11:42 Debra describes the element of “earth”
12:41 What is the element of “fire”
13:04 Who does one determine their missing element?
14:40 Is there an ideal composition of elements one should strive for?
15:45 How does this system relate to other systems based on Elements (Taoist, Native American, Ayurvedic, etc)?
16:07 What are all the elements needed to awaken your life and give it energy?
16:22 How do the elements relate to our karma and our path?
17:17 Debra shares her missing element (earth)
18:00 How does your missing element work with your astrology?
18:42 How can you find your missing element through Debra’s test?
19:36 Debra reads CJ chart that is missing water.
21:19 Debra gives CJ an astrological reading and how tuning into her water element would help her gain my wholeness(psychic, channel – moon conjunct neptune in scorpio, healer, soul that wants to be alive)
25:21 How your life can change once you accept your missing element?
26:56 What are actions you can take once you know your missing element? (e.g.- water missing element)
24:54 How does your astrological chart help you identify your missing element?
27:17 Debra demonstrates how she can identify purpose from an astrological chart (e.g.- mission to change consciousness, uranus opposite the sun)
30:30 How is the missing element approach different than other models that cover the four elements?
31:21 How did Debra’s life path lead her to this work?
32:13 How does Debra use a person’s astrological chart to really understand a person’s nature (e.g.- eccentric, encourage being blunt, honest, straight up )? How she blends this information with a person’s missing element?
38:09 Does our missing element evolve over time?
35:01 Why could someone not have an element in their astrological chart (fire), but have that element be so vital in their life?
39:59 How does the missing element show up in your daily life?
40:40 What are the misconceptions people have about the four elements?
41:09 How different elements may show up in a classroom?
This blog post is made up of excerpts pulled from : Silverman, D. (2016). The missing element: Inspiring compassion for the human condition. Scotland, UK: Findhorn Press.
Which of the four elements are you?
You, me, and everyone else walking around the planet are made of four basic elements – Water, Air, Earth, and Fire. When we’re in pain, it means these elements are out of balance in our lives. The key is to be able to discern and tag your unique style. You might be a Watery, emotional, feeling kind of person who doesn’t always feel comfortable with her voice – her Air. Or maybe you’re an Earthy type who needs to clean and organize before you ever leave the house in order to feel sane, and who misses the fun in life – your Fire.
It doesn’t matter which personality type you have. The key is to become the Observer – to activate the aspect of yourself that just witnesses, who doesn’t sit in self-judgment, but who notices who you are without trying to change you one bit. It’s that simple.
The spiritual benefits of understanding the four elements.
Debra Silverman’s book “The Missing Element: Compassion for the Human Condition” is about waking up the Observer in you, so you can experience the beauty and fullness of who you are far away from judgment. You deserve to fall in love with yourself, just as you are, in your most natural state. This love will also allow you to have compassion for other people, understanding why someone is so sensitive, or too talkative or shy, or in my case, too outgoing. Becoming the Observer inspires your compassion and nurtures your wisdom for all of us. When we aren’t judging ourselves and others we are more loving. And when we are loving we take better care of ourselves and other people and the planet. We are all longing to be loved and understood. It starts with you.
What is the missing element?
There are two voices that make you human: your ego and its chatty, self-serving endless quirkiness, and what I’m calling the wise Observer that is patient, non-judgmental and loving. While they appear to be completely different, they actually both want the best for you, they just come at it in very different ways.
The Observer – the witness, our soul, our higher self – helps us to see things objectively, as they really are. It’s a stance of both wisdom and compassion. It allows us to step off the worrisome ego stage of our lives and look back and review things from afar. From this more distant viewpoint, our dramas and stories are less compelling and distracting, and even endearing and sweet. “Aww, look what that silly ego is doing again,” says the Observer. “How sweet!”
The Observer is one of the “Missing Elements” – the part of yourself that enables you to understand your quirky personality beyond judgment, as though you were an angel looking back at your human nature.
Elements: Earth, Water, Air, and Fire
The Four Elements
• WATER: For nine months we surrendered to the awesome feminine power of a womb filled with fluid. Herein lies the wisdom of silence and trust.
• AIR: Air is everywhere – the universal source of breath and language. No one can live without breathing or communicating. Herein lies the wisdom of wonder and consciousness.
• EARTH: The patience of a mountain, the generosity of a tree. Earth is the immovable rock, tirelessly waiting for our respect. Will we care for her? If we don’t, don’t worry: she will survive. We may not. Herein lies the wisdom of respect and balance.
• FIRE: The heat of your heart and the fire of the sun drive your destiny each day. We cannot live without either. Herein lies the wisdom of accepting your mission with full convict
For a more in depth description check out these very entertaining videos:
Are your elements in Balance?
If you have too much or too little of a particular element – which you can readily discern by reading the description on that element and noticing its relationship to you – your life will likely be out of balance. You’ll want to grow and cultivate that underdeveloped element (or be careful not to become too preoccupied with the one that’s overdeveloped) to put you back on an even keel. Like a car on the road, all four wheels must be balanced for smooth driving. Imagine each wheel as an element. If one of the tires is low, or over-inflated, your vehicle will rattle and shake.
Water
- Too much Water – you drown in feelings.
- Not enough water and your emotional body freezes and you are numb, Not enough water and your emotional body freezes and you are numb,like ice.
- Healthy Water is when we learn to feel the pain and own our part in creating it. To release it, to ask for forgiveness, and carry on with a new story.
Earth
- Too much Earth – you run the risk of being preoccupied and overly attached, self-critical with unreasonably high standards, and you never seem to get it right.
- Too little Earth – you find yourself with no practicality or focus on getting things done, financially suffering from lack of budgets and a messy world.
- You know you have good Earth when you are practical and instinctively flow with the natural cycles of the earth; when you do the mundane activities of day-to-day life, cooking, cleaning, and whistling as you work, andwhile being kind to others without judging them for not being like you.
Air
- Too much Air – you run the risk of over valuing the mind and intellect with little connection to your heart. You might forget where you put things and speak out of both sides of your mouth or have a hard time making decisions.
- Too little Air – you find yourself lost in your mind and feel unable to get your thoughts out. Too little air might limit your speaking or truth-telling. You might lose interest in people.
- We have cultivated, healthy Air when we know how to give weight towords, and not just talk from the head but from the heart.
Fire
- Too much Fire – you run the risk of being an overindulgent freedom lover who can’t commit and is always looking for the fun, even at the expense of their own health. You forget to follow through and be responsible and get labeled the lazy fun machine.
- Too little Fire – the humor is gone, independence is barely experienced and a sense of hopelessness follows you around.
- Healthy Fire is cultivated when you learn how to regulate with ease the fierce but caring beast inside and can summon the awesome power of creative spontaneity through the psychological wisdom of an open heart. You are a great teacher and student of life.
Where do you go when in crisis?
One of the purposes of The Missing Element: Compassion for the Human Condition is to help you understand those early stories, and to ask yourself, “What is the nature of my unique personality? What am I supposed to be learning as a result of my life story? Do I have patterns that repeat themselves over and over? Do I tend to be broken-hearted ? Am I always short on cash? Do I often feel unappreciated?” No matter how many spiritual books you read, crystals you hold, or green protein powder you drink, you cannot be freed of your story without identifying your broken record and becoming conscious of how it limits or supports you. You are who you are –it’s not about changing your own nature, it is about rewriting the story, embracing your shadow with compassion, so that you can bless this life and live in gratitude, as a kind, loving being.
I can confidently tell you this: wherever your greatest pain lives – whatever story that follows you around like a boring friend that you just can’t get rid of – therein lies the rocket fuel to get you to your purpose and wisdom. Your pain and your purpose are one and the same.
https://debrasilvermanastrology.com/crisis/
What are strategies to use when in crises?
“The Missing Element: Compassion for the Human Condition” offers chapters full of ideas that include inquiry, strengths and weaknesses of an element, a chapter on water men and another chapter on water women, affirmations, and strategies which enable the reader to find the best course of action depending on what element is out of balance. For example, here are some short samples pulled from lists of ideas in the book for Water:
Water
- Inquiry: How do we surrender to the emotional pain of loss and find wisdom in it?
- Affirmation: I will allow myself to feel and listen deeply. My soul longs for quiet.
- Life strategies: Create a Sacred Space and Get Comfortable with Silence
Meditations to try
Check out the meditations Debra mentioned during the interview: https://debrasilvermanastrology.com/?s=meditation
Astrology
Laugh and see yourself in Debra’s astrological reading on your sign. Debra channels the energy, body language, and language of a sign. Check out your sun, rising, and moon signs.
