Conflict Resolution

Newlyweds: Which House to Move Into?

By cjliu | September 7, 2020

CJ interviews Marni Jameson, author of “Downsizing the Blended Home.” Marni explains the societal shifts that are resulting in newlyweds starting in their early 30’s, or remarriages in 40 and 50’s, resulting in each person having more stuff before they create a “blended home.”

Today’s couples are also waiting longer to say “I do” for the first time. According to a study by the US Census Bureau in 2018, the average age at first marriage in the United States is 27 for women and 29 for men. That’s up from ages 23 and 26, respectively, in 1990, and 20 and 22 in the 1960s.

In the first section, Marni explains the first decision that can make or break a relationship. Where will we live? Some couples decide to buy an entirely new house, so that neither partner has home court advantage. The location and house are based on the shared vision and preferences, how close to nearest school, walkability to restaurants, etc. This option can often be preferred especially when one partner has a history in their previous house. Marni explains that her current husband had a whole other life in the house he lived in, raised his kids and was married to his now deceased wife.

While it’s easier if you can start fresh like Marni, sometimes there are other considerations (financial, schools) where it makes sense to stay in one partner’s home. It’s very important that this doesn’t just amount to moving just your cloths into your partner’s home, but still removing a little more than 50% of the contents out of your partner’s home. Marni explains that there are some things, like your partner’s bed that you may want to swap out and that you may want to buy somethings together as a couple that represent your shared life.

8 Things to Discuss with Your Partner

1) SIZE. Think about the life you want together, how much room you will need to support it. How small is too small? How big is too big? Both sizes can backfire. Be thoughtful.

2) LIFESTYLE. What kind of lifestyle do you want? What activities do you each love and want your home to support? For example, do you enjoy gourmet cooking, entertaining, movie watching, reading, or gardening? Do you need to work from home? Do you require a mother-in-law suite?

3) ROOMS. How many bedrooms and bathrooms do you collectively need (really need) and why?

4) PETS. If either of you has animals, how will the space accommodate them? Will they need a fenced yard or nearby park?

5) URBAN OR SUBURBAN. How important is walkability to you, or proximity to work, culture, shopping, and restaurants? Conversely, how important to you are open spaces, views of nature, and getting more house for less money?

6) SCHOOLS. Even if you don’t have kids in public school, being in a neighborhood with good schools is important for a home’s resale value, and also speaks to the values and stability of its residents.

7) COMMUTE. How long is the drive or train ride to work? If you commute to work or school, try to pick a place that makes the trip as short as possible for both of you while still meeting other housing criteria.

8) STYLE. How important are looks to you? Your home should make you feel happy when you drive up. Does the home have great appeal, or can you give it some?